Dating for Workaholics

I know a lot of people in different industries who seem to have just little time for recreation, let alone dating. Also, “I’m busy” holds to be a very good excuse for someone who hasn’t done much dating lately. Well, let those days be gone! Here is a quick guide for dating workaholics, or dating when you’re a workaholic.

1. Are you really a workaholic? The first step is to determine if you’re really a workaholic. Psychological studies show that all the “-holic” tendencies (shopaholic, alcoholic, chocoholic, etc.) means a compensation for something else. So if you are a workaholic you’d have to admit it to yourself. Do you ALWAYS work the extra hours? Do you have a job (a department, a boss and a company) which demands excessively from you? Are you struggling to get promoted, or get a “regular” status? Try to track if there’s something wrong in your chosen career and try to lessen it or kill it. If you can’t then work with it and make sure it’s not long term.

2. Prioritize well. If somebody puts you off because they’re “too busy” then it means that they are working on other things but not on you because YOU ARE NOT A PRIORITY. Yes, that’s the cold hard truth guys. BUT if you use the busy excuse to put off dates, well, you might have an issue with yourself. Maybe you’re not really ready to date and you just need a quick way out. Also, if you have more than one date lined up for the week/ month, try to prioritize which are the ones which are more important. If you are with just one partner, remember the more important dates and determine which the best dates are for your partner to enjoy them the most.

3. Pay attention when you are on the date. Put off your Blackberries and your laptops. Hey, if you really wanna land with a partner, you better pay attention to the potential ones. Dates are the perfect times to balance your work and your personal life. When your date is talking, listen to them. Observe. Affirm. Get to know them truly. Do not half-listen while running in your mind the next-day tasks. Switch off work mode and immerse yourself in the moment. Also, try not to talk about work with your date. It’s nice to share funny and charming anecdotes but no complaining/ nagging please. If you think that you have found someone to go serious with, or have already gone serious with this person, take a breather from your day job and send them an email or a quick text message saying that you are thinking of them. Communicate well. It might sound like so much of an effort to you, but really, it’s worth it.

4. Start a life outside work. If work eats up most of you, then they must have eaten the best of you already. Avoid this by starting to have a life outside work. Pick a hobby that you’d be glad to improve and invest (not spend) a lot of time working on it. Also, try to broaden your horizons by having fun activities with people who are not from your office. It will really take your mind off work because you will talk about, laugh about and even argue (in a friendly way) about different things. So when you’re out in the dating market, you are not that boring old folk who is always talking about work and people from work. Yes, no matter how funny they are. Besides, getting out of the office is, by common sense, the best way to meet NEW people. That is, if you’re still single, okay?

Okay now workaholics, those busy excuses are all disqualified now. Enjoy dating and cherishing one very good investment—a long lasting relationship.

On the same breath, please do not use dating as an excuse to slack off at work. Haha!

Let me know what you think, workaholics. Email me if you’re not working (or dating). Live_out_loud@ymail.com.

No TGIFs Anymore

Is it T.G.I.F. too soon? If you haven’t heard about T.G.I.F., it means “Thank God It’s Friday” and it has been used in the American corporate lingo for a long time in the intention of mocking a boring and seemingly meaningless job. Today, we are lucky that more and more workplaces have dedicated their time in efforts for positive psychology in terms of jobs and profession. Basic human resource management would tell you that the higher the person feels his morale is, the better he will be in doing his job. As I write, more and more offices are being renovated and rebuilt to induce a juicier and a more fun workplace, so work doesn’t feel like work at all.

Together, we move forward into a society of people who truly love and enjoy what they do and at the end of the day, institutions accomplish their goals and we build a whole new culture of fulfillment.

In the field of Positive Psychology, work may be categorized into three groups: jobs, careers and callings. The first category is the “jobs”. These are the things which we spend a lot of time and effort on but our only motivation towards doing the work is merely salary. There is no passion; everything feels like manual labor. No work, no pay; and no pay, no work.
On the other hand, careers are the kinds of jobs with a mixed reward system: salary + advancement. In careers, there are goals to be met and there is the promise of prestige through dedication. People who dedicate themselves to careers often get promoted and with the same amount of devotion, they will eventually get to the top.

However, once they are already at the top, they won’t feel the same vigor and challenge anymore and the career will subsequently wither and turn into a (sigh) job.
The last category is the “callings”. As the name implies, it is a calling, a purpose which pulls you towards fulfilling its reason. The rewards are more internal and they provide meaning in our lives. Most callings require special talents or characteristics, like the ones involved in arts and literature. They motivate the individual through sheer being and you, as a worker, will feel like you can do the work without pay, promotion or other forms of compensation. Callings are the dream jobs.

When you find satisfaction in your job, you can easily turn it into a calling by finding the meaning in it and commending yourself for every successful task that you accomplish. Try to see what makes your work special and how you can also motivate other people to do better in what they do, or choose to do what you do. What is inside you, that you can relate to the work, that you consider a gift? You can easily see the difference between jobs and callings. For example, teachers who treat teaching as a job will be moody, inconsiderate and will talk to the students only about lessons and anything school related. But a teacher who considers teaching as a calling will give extra effort when making reports, have a special way to deliver lessons in class, and will treat every student like it’s his or her own child.

If you put some cheer and genuine dedication in the work that you’re doing, you will end up being a more productive worker and not long, you will receive recognition. Everything will look more vibrant when you go to work in the morning and the intrinsic motivation will continue to develop.

So if you’re already in a job that you’re happy about, kudos to you and continue to pour devotion into that job. Not everybody has their dream job under their noses. But then again, it’s always ALWAYS a matter of choice.

Lemme know what you think--- live_out_loud@ymail.com.