Growing Up Not So Beautiful

Growing up, I was made to believe that I'm not beautiful (except siguro sa akong pamilya hehe).

I remember when I was still in my 2nd Grade, I was elected as the Muse simply because they wanted to pair me up with a "funny looking" guy. Fast forward til 6th grade, every boy I liked didn't like me back. (And crushing was highly highly 99.9% physical.) Well, it was because I really didn't care about how I looked. I played a lot, ran a lot, read a lot. I was buringit. Haha.

I didn't really behaved "femininely". I played pogs with guys, didn't bring a comb, ate junkfood a lot and loved mangga+bagoong sold outside Holy Child. Looking back, I think it was the reason why no boy ever liked me. Haha. I was chinita, but back then, by some cosmic whim, chinitas weren't really beautiful. The "beautiful" ones were those who are tisay, the Caucasian tisay.

I tried to excel in arts, academics and sports (because I can't excel in the "beauty field" anyway). I was so good at math, I was member of the dance troupe for 5 years, I learned how to play table tennis and I wrote. I did all of those because I felt that I had to compensate for not looking good enough. Even my friends never regarded me as beautiful. Haha.

When I was in Grade 6, I super duper liked this boy. I was gushing about him for a whole year. I levelled up in my arts, academics and sports...just so he'd like me. Then by March, I gave up.

During the summer, ongoing high school, a close friend told me that that guy was eyeing me for a very long time. I asked why. She told me he "thinks I'm beautiful".