Woman, How is THE OFFICE Treating You?

I recently overheard a conversation about this girl who was not happy about her job anymore. She holds an above rank-and-file position at company downtown. Well, it wasn’t THAT, actually. But she wanted a raise since she was given extra work and she seriously thinks she deserves it. Because she can’t blatantly tell her boss to give her a raise, she started taking absences from work and she expects the rest of the people in the workplace to get what she’s trying to convey. Surprisingly, her female coworkers got the message but the men from the top floors of the organizational chart accuse her of truancy.

My question: why can’t she just write a sincere and courteous letter about her concern? Are women nowadays too afraid to ask?

This glaring situation made me realize of a lot of things that women, I general, miss out on in the office because they were too afraid to ask.

First, the raise. When we’re working at a company for quite sometime and we believe that we have contributed a lot of the things that the company accomplished, then we sincerely believe we deserve a raise. THAT, or we suddenly are given extra responsibilities and the management seem to treat us like the same. (Evidence: the payroll.) Statistics show that women generally earn less than men because we were too afraid to stand up and ask for it. Less women “compete” for promotion against men, and also, less women DEMAND the salary that they think they deserve. When women don’t get what they deserve, usually, they just suck it in and pray that the next time will be better. When men don’t get what they deserve, they usually talk to their bosses about it and they’re even more cunning when competing for a promotion.

A reputable statistics company in the US also held a study which focused on new employees. They interviewed 1000 men and women for the same position. Every one was asked the same set of questions and each interview ended with “How much salary do you expect to receive in this job?” The ending? The average salary that the men quoted was around 20% higher than the average salary that the women quoted.
The thing is, women may dominate a lot of offices lately, but we’re still too afraid to speak out in the office.

Another interesting fact: more men ask for cash advances than women. Well, I told a friend about this and she just said that maybe it was because men are more pressured to provide, so they ALWAYS have to have money. My take on this is that women always had a shady relationship with money, and that is why women are not encouraged to really talk about money outside the bounds of family.

Men have always been trained to become go-getters and that is why in the office, they rise faster. Women, on the other hand, are being socially rewarded for being cooperating and having an easy-do-deal-with attitude, that is why women are not likely to stir legitimate corporate intrigue.

What do you think about this phenomenon? I’ve only been in the corporate world for months and I can these sad things actually happen. Should the bosses reach out to women more? Are workplaces and organizational charts simply not women-friendly enough? What about other forms of abuse? Like sexual and verbal assault? How long should the women keep mum?

Woman, how is the office treating you? Woman, email me at live_out_loud@ymail.com.

Said the Teenager to Her Parents

We know what to do, just let us be.

We are self-correcting. We go home when we're already too drunk and we know how many cups of coffee we need to finish that due-tomorrow-though-assigned-a-month-ago paper.

We are very concerned with fashion, so stop telling us what to wear and what not to wear. We've read too many articles about how to look good. They better pay off.

We are not very good with handling money, but then again, we are self-correcting. Eventually, we will learn to save, or not really, just have enough for enough.

We know what to do with our bodies. So unless it's cutting a limb off or selling our kidneys, please do not make a big deal out of it. (And stop asking how much my haircut or pedicure costs.)

It doesn't mean that because we idolize the once-innocent-now-slutty Disney stars we will eventually turn out to be like them. We (usually) know better. We idolize them because we can never be like them. If we can be like them then there's no use idolizing them, correct?

It doesn't mean that because we want to live away from you, we hate you. We just want to be independent.

You may question our values but don't judge us if you think they're wrong. For example, it doesn't automatically mean that because we're pro-live in, pro-abortion, agnostics, we're immoral. All those years in Catholic schools finally took their toll. Haha.

What's With the Haste?!

Young people nowadays love everything to be fast. The culprit I’m eyeing is the oh-so-mighty technology. If there’s one thing that made people more impatient, it’s nothing but technology.

Here’s the thing: people always have escalating expectations. “Give him an inch and he’ll take a mile”, so they say. In the cellular phone arena, when we’ve got texting going on, we asked for mp3. When it was done, we asked for a camera. When it was done, we asked for Internet. When it was done, we asked for touch screen. And today, we ask for all of them in one handy material. (Plus, we want it cheap.) See? We always have a way of outgrowing things easily. One of these things is waiting.

I’ve noticed that online shops are sprouting out of nowhere because a lot of people (yes, I’m guilty of this too) don’t like lining up at the counters or dressing rooms. In fact, in a recent market study, the “waiting for purchase” time is one of the biggest factors for determining store choices among consumers.

Also, a lot of business transactions, aside from those connected with shopping, are also done via the Internet. Because it’s faster. From kitchenware, to real estate, to gift items, everything can be bought online. I know at least 90% of the students in our school who would give up a pair of shoes just for online enrolment to be approved. Bah.

Another thing I feel sorry for is the growing apprehension among teenagers to read something that’s more than 500 words. I remember our literature class when we were tasked to read a short story, which was around 3000 words, 6 pages. All of my classmates whined and even joked about it not being “short” at all. The teacher succumbed to their mumbling and we ended up studying an 800-word excerpt. Sad. These kids didn’t mind having to read multiple blog entries but they were willing to filter something Nick Joaquin wrote.

Lastly, I feel sorry, and I apologize for being impatient now. I’m trying my best to be patient but sometimes, the speed I am used to, when it’s not the speed that I’m running, I just snap. I dare not touch dial-up internet anymore. I find myself riding the cab more than usual because I don’t like waiting for a jeepney. I take the stairs to the 7th floor because I don’t like lining up outside the elevator. I eat lunch-in-a-box because it’s fast and saucy. (But mostly because it’s fast.) I know a lot of people who feel just like this, even worse.

The ultimate result with all these hurrying is that people are now expected to do more in a day. And because people are hurrying always, people have less time to connect with one another. I think that’s the biggest thing that we should feel sorry for. After all, when we become annoyed with something we regard as slow, we are clothed with bad mood and people will think twice about approaching us. Moreover, people are also more sensitive about “taking one’s time” because it seems like everyone’s in a hurry.

And because we’re always running fast, let me ask you a question: what fuels us? What are we running for? Or running away from? Enlighten me.

When Technology Gets Too Personal

Yesterday, I saw the saddest technologically-induced sight: four friends eating together in one table but not talking. The culprit: mp3 players.

The thing about MP3 players is that they make one feel not alone and they create a bubble of companionship for the owner. What we don’t usually see and feel is that this bubble is slowly getting thicker and thicker until we lose contact of other human beings.

Today, the MP3 player is more than just an MP3 player. It may also come with videos, photos and other multimedia files. This makes this gadget all-mighty (in its truest sense) and it appeals to our senses very invasively. The newest headphones are even made with noise cancellators to make the experience of hearing music more “sensual”. Simply put, these players are designed to substitute what human beings can offer!

I’ve always been anti-MP3 so when these MP3 players have flooded the market and people have been using and buying those more frequently I’ve observed human behavior curiously. I found out that people who don’t know each other and happen to be in the same place lost—or immensely reduced-- eye contact. People in the jeepney, inside an elevator, lining up to pay bills…almost everywhere! Before, people try to chat each other up or exchange quick pleasantries. Today, they’re listening to God-knows-what.

See, with an MP3, if you are with a person you don’t know, it’s easier to put the headset on and remain a stranger. However, without an MP3, you are somehow forced to make do of whatever is there to entertain you or to eat your time. So you will get to know the person. For the side of that other person, an MP3 player makes one look “occupied”, therefore there is no motivation for that person to also get to know you if you’re glued to your MP3 player.

Also, the MP3 player has become the lifesaver for boredom. Throw in a boring teacher or a lousy speaker and the MP3 player will instantly wear a halo. Instead of trying to listen to other people and, perhaps, try to stretch one’s attention span, it’s more convenient to just whip out the headsets.

Don’t get me wrong; MP3 players can also serve people well. In fact, I believe that its ultimate use is to be the last resort to save one’s self from deafening silence or immense boredom (for example, waiting for plane-boarding or six-hours-and-longer bus rides). But aside from situations similar with those aforementioned, the MP3 player should be put away.

By the way, in my class, whenever we wait for the professor to arrive, my classmates almost don’t talk to each other because they’re glued to their MP3s (or cellular phones or PSPs). Technology has gone too personal! Whatever happened to “Connecting People”?!

Bring a handy book instead of an MP3 player. Have enough courage to talk and smile to strangers. Picture these scenes. Isn’t it a better-looking place to live in?


-published at Mindanao Times' "To Live Out Loud" Wednesdays; Opinion Page

When Casual Becomes Derogatory

Yesterday, I was moved (in a sad, bad way) by three different people who regarded homosexuals/ gays as people who are..lesser than human beings. Here are the different encounters:

Encounter # 1:

I was waiting for someone who purchased the gift items I sell online. My customer was a lesbian. She was running really late and someone who wanted to have dinner with me was getting pissed because I was also running late. And then my friend said, “Niabot na ang tomboy? Buang na tomboy dugayan kaayo, madamay ta.” (Did the dyke already arrive? Crazy dyke, she’s delaying us.)

Encounter # 2:

I haven’t heard from Carlisse* for a long time and when I ran into Bryan*, I asked how Carlisse was doing. (They’re childhood friends.)
Me: How is Carlisse? Is she using a new number? She didn’t reply to the Christmas greetings I SMS-ed her.
Bryan: Oh, nothing’s new about her. She’s still the same old tibo (lesbian) that she is.
And then Bryan snickered.

Encounter # 3:

We’ll this wasn’t an exchange really. I just heard a song from Katy Perry, a new artist, someone who’s tagged by most music reviewers as “sassy and cool”. The lines of the song are:

You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

For every encounter, I got startled. Disturbed, even. If you examine all the encounters, you will notice that the word “gay” or any other term that pertains to a homosexual was used a derogatory term. Well, it may not be intended, really, to malign a person or a subculture but it was derogatory. In fact, if you review the way the gay words were used, add a little angst to the tone and you’ve got something that stands at the same stage with “piece of sh*t” or “freak of nature”.

Something that’s casually derogatory is, for me, the worst form of discrimination. It is the kind of oppression that seeps through one’s bones and is being imprinted at the discriminator’s soul. Sure, it may not hurl hurting words in loud voices and finger-pointing but it hurts the minority all the more. The thing with this form of subtlety is that it defines the heart of discrimination—privilege presumption. Discrimination doesn’t really have a purpose; most people discriminate without intending to, without thought, without reason. Discrimination happens because people think they can get away with it. People think it’s a privilege and they know that it’s “acceptable”. And this mindset is dangerous, when it snowballs, because it normalizes discrimination.

It’s just like jaywalking in Davao. People don’t just wake up and tell themselves “Oh I feel like I want to jaywalk today!” People jaywalk because they know they can do it and subsequently get away with it.

See how far casual could go? And I thought “casual” was a fashion theme. Bah. Tell me what you think.

Seriously, Singlehood Rocks!

Recently, the single bug bit me…hard. I’ve read a number of write-ups and blog entries which feature people who rant about their being single, how “time is running out” and how finding “The One” gets harder and harder each day.

I have a problem with this mindset. See, society (plus media) have always led us to believe that we are part of a “whole” and to be “whole” is to find one’s “significant other” (also commonly referred to as “the other half”). This assumes that we are born lacking something, and everything we do must be geared towards finding that something which we lack.

The thing is, one is born complete. We are not in a search for The One but we are The One. We are a pixel in this world and we have individual missions, passions and contributions. If you are in a romantic relationship now and still achieve the same fullness, Kudos.

One reason for the pressure in finding “The One” is how we understand the word “single”. Oftentimes, we connect the word single with being solitary, lonely and simply alone. In fact, the term “matandang dalaga” can be a valid societal insult because of its connotations (that perhaps, that person is so unlovable, unattractive or not rich enough). It’s hard but, we have to take a 180-degree turn. To be single or being in a relationship doesn’t really mean anything…unless you experience growth in it.

I remember Samantha Jones from Sex and the City throwing an I-don’t-have-a-baby shower and Carrie Bradshaw giving herself a pair of good-looking shoes because she is celebrating a marriage to herself. That she will cherish herself and take care of herself as much as she would to a lover. Sure, let’s do that.

So a Spouse Hunt is not really necessary.

However, this Spouse Hunt has poisoned a lot of youth’s minds today! Networking sites are getting bigger and bigger, dating columns have gotten longer, tips on how to “catch his eye, “snag the perfect guy” and “keep the fire burning” are constant bestsellers. Bah. Makes the Spouse Hunt a full time job! And what’s more annoying is that society also has dictated gender assignments. Woman should wait for the man to make his move, woman should keep the man in the relationship and understand when he cheats because “boys will be boys”. Etcetera, etcetera.
Let’s take a breather and step back from the poison of society’s impositions.

Truth is, after break-ups, people realize how much they’ve missed when they were in a relationship. Conversely, when they WERE in the relationship, they didn’t think they were missing a lot because they were having the best time of their lives. Singlehood brings you back to where you want to be, where you intended to be and what you have worked for all your life. Singlehood is insulated from the complications of hormonal floods, provides spaces for self-assessment and “catching up” with friends and family.

Dearest, rest your heart for a while and enjoy your life. Lover or no lover, you are The One. Tell me about you. Who’s in a hurry?

In Defense of the Gamers

You probably have heard about Ragnarok, DotA, Generals or Flyff. One way or another, these things are being looked down upon by a lot of people because of the way it poisons the minds of students. Yeah, we hate gamers and we view them as no-good individuals because they are always locked to a keyboard and marveling in their own little (violent?) worlds.

Actually, gaming has a lot of benefits. In fact, it may even be a viable alternative to formal education! Just kidding. However, seriously, it can reap major benefits. Let’s start.

It’s Still a Game

Competition fuels gamers. Just like how dean’s -listers vie for the Valedictorian award and those dance sport varsity members. The goal is always to outwit the enemy, to destroy his laid-out plans and to come up with the best position in the game possible. There’s even bargaining of items and tactic reading! Dedicated gamers are equipped with the competitive spirit, something that’s not very encouraged as aggressively in schools. (Hey, that’s the reason why we have more employees than entrepreneurs. Shh.)

Skill is King

Simply put, skill is the most important asset in gaming. The rules of the game are learned, familiarized and most of all mastered. One can’t possibly let themselves invest time and efforts in the game if it doesn’t come with a ladderized goal. Basically, the stages get harder and harder and your enemy also gets better and better. So, one has to really keep up.

Moreover, the variety of games available also improves the skill of faster learning for the gamer. I remember how my gamer classmates in high school know more than ten different games in different natures and master at least 3 of those games. According to them, gaming improved the way they learn and master new things, and again, that’s probably something that our educational system should develop further.

Camaraderie Improvement

Most people who like spending time in the Internet are often regarded as people who may not have very good social skills because they’re hiding behind a monitor. In gaming, people (virtual or real) get to team up with each other and they work out a strategy. It still has the basics of a real-life team like accountability for the team mate and matching of skills.

Also, studies show that the people who “game-up” in the virtual world most likely end up real friends. They are the ones who see each other frequently in Internet Cafes. So after they play, they end up talking. Although they just talk about the game at the start, as the ball gets rolling, eventually they’ll become comfortable with each other. Remember that frequency in exposure brings normalcy, which brings ease.

I just think that gamers should not be perceived as “lazy” at all. Or dumb. I know a gamer who is a Mindanao Champion in debate. I know a lot of gamers who belong to their honors classes. Excess is bad, and that’s a known fact. However, it doesn’t only apply to gaming. If you like dancing or painting and if you spend a lot of time on those things and forget your studies then that’s just as bad.

So that’s it for gamers (and their parents). I mean, I think anyone would pick gaming over drugs any day, won’t he? You may email me your views through live_out_loud@ymail.com.

from www.mindanaotimes.com.ph written by Bitch Varsity coach

Bastards on Commute

I like taking the public utility jeepneys because I enjoy the experience. The feeling of the wind on your face, of "meeting" ten different people in one sitting and of course, the feeling of helping cut down the carbon emissions. *Duh*

However, there are certain people which turns the experience sour.

1. Slimy Lovebirds - Nah-ah. I'm not jealous. I've been going out with the same guy for about ten months and we're fine. There are just some lovers who take the jeepney and then crawl over each other as if they're at their own living rooms. They're pains in the eyeballs. Instead of them being ashamed of themselves, you become ashamed of "intruding" something. Bah. I hope they don't forget to pay their fares.

2. Ms./Mr. Loudspeaker - It's okay to talk; it's not okay if you're heard for about five seats away. I hate having to share the jeepney with someone who talks and talks and talks all throughout the ride and competing with the noise of the midday streets. These are the times when I'd wish I had an MP3 player with me.

3. Open-SesaMEN - These are men who refuse to shut their legs together even when the jeepney is too crowded and the people who just arrived sit uncomfortably. Let's be sensitive guys. The jeepney is designed for a certain number of people WHO ARE EXPECTED TO KEEP THEIR LEGS SHUT. To all the males reading this post, keep your legs shut for Goddess' sake. But if you don't want to, I hope your balls will get hit during the ride.

4. Ms./Mr. Head-to-Foot - Although I am confident that whenever I go out of the house I always smell good and look fine, there are just some people who fail to maximize their free time wallowing in their ugliness that they just have to want to make you feel it too. I'm talking about those people (mostly girls) who spend the whole ride staring at you, from your hair to your toenails to your bag to your cell phone model. I don't really know what's wrong with them. Or is it their first time to see a real, live human being?

5. The Classic Manyakis - Oh you know them. They're the ones who will stare at you and automatically commit simulated rape. They will salivate with just a peek of your toes and they love staring at your lips. Tip: Dress comfortably when taking the jeepney. Spare your skin from the prying eyes of these psycho-sexual predators.

Most Commonly Misused English Words/Phrases

Stuffs
"I love music, movies and all those stuffs..."
I've heard (and read) a lot of people who use this word to mean "those things". It's so, so annoying. I can't even fathom how annoying it is to hear this word. Stuff is already a "collective" noun used to refer to different things such as

"She knows her stuff."
"A bed filled with the softest stuff." Etcetera etcetera.

You will only use "stuffs" when you refer to it as verb. Get it? A.Verb. Like, "Kyle stuffs the pizza down his throat."

Tuck In/ Tuck Out
"Tuck in your shirt; it looks so ugly tucked out."
Hello?! If something is already tucked, it's in! The word tuck is a verb which means to put into a small, close and concealing place. And tuck out is an oxymoron. How do you make something put into a small, close and concealing place look like it's outside? Oh, you get it.

Irregardless
"It's final. You will come with me irregardless of the circumstances."
It's utterly redundant. The prefix ir-means something "not" (example: irresponsible, irregular). The suffix -less also mean something "not" (example: careless, powerless). The correct word is regardless; since there is no word such as irregard. It's pains to hear this word uttered in movies and even in debates. Sigh.

Equipments
"The equipments are ready. You can start bulldozing now."
Like stuff, equipment is also collective. When I say equipment, it means the whole assisting machines. Simply put, there is no such word as equipments. Remember that.