HAPPY BIRTHDAY FANCY PANTS

Happy Birthday to my favorite bitch, PAMELA.

visit her fabulous blog and send her your kisses. that was not a request.

YOU'RE UGLY!

let's get one thing straight:
you're ugly.
your face is the landfill
of an AIDS-laden
third world country.
your breath is the smog
on my windshield
your skin is a snake's
hand-me-down
your body is the new planet
which Pluto envies--
a whirlwind of trash,
add a teaspoon of monstrosity
and a bucketful
of hopelessness.
and your forehead,
a helipad.
you are the surplus
of the surplus
of substandard pandesal
everytime I look at you
I feel like I don't have
enough middle fingers
and you actually look good
when I'm not looking.
you are a cuss word
I will never be able to say
though everything I say
that's profane
is a love letter
to you.
DIE.
(that was not a request.)

-I wrote this coz it was fun. This is not inspired by anyone. haha.

Words Women Say

FINE
This is the word women use to end an argument whenthey are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES
If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have justbeen given 5 more minutes to watch the game beforehelping around the house.

NOTHING
This is the calm before the storm. This means"something," and you should be on your toes.Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in"Fine"

GO AHEAD
This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH
This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbalstatement often misunderstood by men. A "LoudSigh" means she thinks you are an idiot andwonders why she is wasting her time standing hereand arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY
This is one of the most dangerous statements thata woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" meansthat she wants to think long and hard beforedeciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS
A woman is thanking you. Do not question it orfaint. Just say you're welcome.