When Casual Becomes Derogatory

Yesterday, I was moved (in a sad, bad way) by three different people who regarded homosexuals/ gays as people who are..lesser than human beings. Here are the different encounters:

Encounter # 1:

I was waiting for someone who purchased the gift items I sell online. My customer was a lesbian. She was running really late and someone who wanted to have dinner with me was getting pissed because I was also running late. And then my friend said, “Niabot na ang tomboy? Buang na tomboy dugayan kaayo, madamay ta.” (Did the dyke already arrive? Crazy dyke, she’s delaying us.)

Encounter # 2:

I haven’t heard from Carlisse* for a long time and when I ran into Bryan*, I asked how Carlisse was doing. (They’re childhood friends.)
Me: How is Carlisse? Is she using a new number? She didn’t reply to the Christmas greetings I SMS-ed her.
Bryan: Oh, nothing’s new about her. She’s still the same old tibo (lesbian) that she is.
And then Bryan snickered.

Encounter # 3:

We’ll this wasn’t an exchange really. I just heard a song from Katy Perry, a new artist, someone who’s tagged by most music reviewers as “sassy and cool”. The lines of the song are:

You don’t eat meat
And drive electrical cars
You’re so indie rock it’s almost an art
You need SPF 45 just to stay alive
You’re so gay and you don’t even like boys

For every encounter, I got startled. Disturbed, even. If you examine all the encounters, you will notice that the word “gay” or any other term that pertains to a homosexual was used a derogatory term. Well, it may not be intended, really, to malign a person or a subculture but it was derogatory. In fact, if you review the way the gay words were used, add a little angst to the tone and you’ve got something that stands at the same stage with “piece of sh*t” or “freak of nature”.

Something that’s casually derogatory is, for me, the worst form of discrimination. It is the kind of oppression that seeps through one’s bones and is being imprinted at the discriminator’s soul. Sure, it may not hurl hurting words in loud voices and finger-pointing but it hurts the minority all the more. The thing with this form of subtlety is that it defines the heart of discrimination—privilege presumption. Discrimination doesn’t really have a purpose; most people discriminate without intending to, without thought, without reason. Discrimination happens because people think they can get away with it. People think it’s a privilege and they know that it’s “acceptable”. And this mindset is dangerous, when it snowballs, because it normalizes discrimination.

It’s just like jaywalking in Davao. People don’t just wake up and tell themselves “Oh I feel like I want to jaywalk today!” People jaywalk because they know they can do it and subsequently get away with it.

See how far casual could go? And I thought “casual” was a fashion theme. Bah. Tell me what you think.

Bitches Celebrate Christmases Too

Dear Varsity,

Have a meaningful Christmas.

After all, what's merry without meaning? =)

I'm very busy. As usual, my calendar is packed. Where do I buy extra hours for the day? Extra days in a week? Extra weeks in a month? Bah. Let's enjoy the break for all it's worth...or not.

♥

Seriously, Singlehood Rocks!

Recently, the single bug bit me…hard. I’ve read a number of write-ups and blog entries which feature people who rant about their being single, how “time is running out” and how finding “The One” gets harder and harder each day.

I have a problem with this mindset. See, society (plus media) have always led us to believe that we are part of a “whole” and to be “whole” is to find one’s “significant other” (also commonly referred to as “the other half”). This assumes that we are born lacking something, and everything we do must be geared towards finding that something which we lack.

The thing is, one is born complete. We are not in a search for The One but we are The One. We are a pixel in this world and we have individual missions, passions and contributions. If you are in a romantic relationship now and still achieve the same fullness, Kudos.

One reason for the pressure in finding “The One” is how we understand the word “single”. Oftentimes, we connect the word single with being solitary, lonely and simply alone. In fact, the term “matandang dalaga” can be a valid societal insult because of its connotations (that perhaps, that person is so unlovable, unattractive or not rich enough). It’s hard but, we have to take a 180-degree turn. To be single or being in a relationship doesn’t really mean anything…unless you experience growth in it.

I remember Samantha Jones from Sex and the City throwing an I-don’t-have-a-baby shower and Carrie Bradshaw giving herself a pair of good-looking shoes because she is celebrating a marriage to herself. That she will cherish herself and take care of herself as much as she would to a lover. Sure, let’s do that.

So a Spouse Hunt is not really necessary.

However, this Spouse Hunt has poisoned a lot of youth’s minds today! Networking sites are getting bigger and bigger, dating columns have gotten longer, tips on how to “catch his eye, “snag the perfect guy” and “keep the fire burning” are constant bestsellers. Bah. Makes the Spouse Hunt a full time job! And what’s more annoying is that society also has dictated gender assignments. Woman should wait for the man to make his move, woman should keep the man in the relationship and understand when he cheats because “boys will be boys”. Etcetera, etcetera.
Let’s take a breather and step back from the poison of society’s impositions.

Truth is, after break-ups, people realize how much they’ve missed when they were in a relationship. Conversely, when they WERE in the relationship, they didn’t think they were missing a lot because they were having the best time of their lives. Singlehood brings you back to where you want to be, where you intended to be and what you have worked for all your life. Singlehood is insulated from the complications of hormonal floods, provides spaces for self-assessment and “catching up” with friends and family.

Dearest, rest your heart for a while and enjoy your life. Lover or no lover, you are The One. Tell me about you. Who’s in a hurry?

Dear Varsity, (Dec. 4, 2008)

I started being acquainted with poetry again. And I found this very beautiful poem.

THIS WAS ONCE A LOVE POEM
by Jane Hirshfield

This was once a love poem, before its haunches thickened, its breath grew short, before it found itself sitting, perplexed and a little embarrassed, on the fender of a parked car, while many people passed by without turning their heads. It remembers itself dressing as if for a great engagement. It remembers choosing these shoes, this scarf or tie. Once, it drank beer for breakfast, drifted its feet in a river side by side with the feet of another. Once it pretended shyness, then grew truly shy, dropping its head so the hair would fall forward, so the eyes would not be seen. It spoke with passion of history, of art. It was lovely then, this poem. Under its chin, no fold of skin softened. Behind the knees, no pad of yellow fat. What it knew in the morning it still believed at nightfall. An unconjured confidence lifted its eyebrows, its cheeks. The longing has not diminished. Still it understands. It is time to consider a cat, the cultivation of African violets or flowering cactus. Yes, it decides: Many miniature cacti, in blue and red painted pots. When it finds itself disquieted by the pure and unfamiliar silence of its new life, it will touch them—one, then another— with a single finger outstretched like a tiny flame.

I managed to hide my tears for a while...but then I eventually gave in. Ta ta! Can't show up tomorrow with eyes which look like coinbank holes. haha. Good night! =)

♥

Dear Varsity, (Dec. 2, 2008)

Today I just got my heart broken. It's for something that you might not understand. It's not the usual L-word. Bitches operate differently. But we still got hearts. Here, right in the middle of our chests.

Oh well. What a delightful way to start the Christmas season. (at least for me, it's still starting for me.) Where can I buy some cheer? I mean, beer?

Catch ya later.

♥